Feels Like the First Time

It’s been about two months since we have practiced yoga asanas and I emphatically concur with my daughter’s sentiment, “My body feels broken!” My arms and legs feel like jelly and I’m a little light headed.  My body didn’t seem to recognize the asanas; didn’t want to move into the positions with the ease and grace that I had once found in my yoga practice. And yet again, the strain of Adho Mukha Svanasana (downward-facing dog) pervaded my body, but I stretched my way through it and kept the pose (both times). 

More than the physical challenges, today’s yoga has created an odd emotional reaction as well. Today’s yoga practice was about recommitting, not just to yoga but to myself; making my well being a priority and that commitment brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart tingle.

 

Why the tears? Yoga is powerful stuff! Finding my way back to my mat after these last two months has proven to be so overwhelming, both physically and emotionally, that I guess I needed a quick, accessible outlet for it. You’d think that yoga would be a good outlet, given the circumstance, but that just made it more overwhelming, and more tearful. For me it’s a psychological release. Tears are a quick and easy outlet for any strong emotion that I have.


My tingling heart… that is the only way I know how to express the overflowing joy and sheer happiness that yoga brings to me. It’s both satisfying and fulfilling. Which is why I am so frustrated with myself for not being able to stay committed to it because I seriously need this kind of centering and grounding in my life. 

 

Like massage therapy, yoga allows your body let go of stress. The last few months have been an emotional roller-coaster, you know… that whole, “If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother…” kind of roller-coaster. **Love ya, mom** It seems quite apparent I had been letting the stress and emotion build up, and today’s practice allowed me to release some of it.

 

Yoga With Adriene is all about “Finding What Feels Good”, but today I learned that my own personal yoga practice is also about letting go and finding emotional balance. As I write this, I feel that I am no longer hesitant to allow my emotional well being to be influenced by my yoga practice. Instead, I am eager for yoga to act as a deeper, therapeutic treatment of my stress and emotional build-up. Letting it gently slough away layers of stress and cleanse my soul of the emotional toxins that have been left behind.  

 

 

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Commitment Issues

I’m not sure if I have commitment issues or if I’m just lazy.  Seriously. My house is only half tidy. I have 3 unfinished books that I am half attempting to read. I haven’t seriously blogged in nearly 2 weeks. 

I am IN LOVE with yoga, but I fell off that wagon about a month ago. Well, honestly, it feels more like I was pushed. My body aches and I feel beaten. I feel like a yoga-loser. Like a failure. I swear I am not having any kind of pity party here, I am seriously wondering if I am cut out for the level of commitment it takes to do this. 

Months ago I signed up with (read: paid for) Yoga With Adriene’s online yoga class, ReBoot-29 Day Yoga Experience (4 full-length videos). MONTHS AGO… *letcha in on a

little secret* I haven’t done it. I tried it, once. I felt so lame because the videos for ReBoot went faster and were longer than her YouTube videos. So little ol’ me just stuck with the easy videos that she posted for free, on-line. 

And now my beloved, Find-What-Feels-Good, yoga instructor is offering yet another online class. EMPOWER. This new class will be an intermediate, power-yoga class. And she is offering it on discount, ahead of schedule, to her faithful ReBooters. **Sshhhh….she doesn’t know that I am not as faithful as all the others** 

Truth is I don’t deserve to be in this class. Hell, I’m not even ready to be in this class. But at the moment, as I read up on all my other Rebooter friends that have signed up for this class, I feel like the kid who just flunked PE for lack of attendance. **Ouch!**

But let’s, for the time being, forget about ReBoot, the ReBoot Kula (community), EMPOWER, all my yoga friends, and forget  *gods forgive me!*  all about Adriene, the Yoga Goddess… because my yoga journey is just that, mine. Unfortunately, I am currently stuck in my own proverbial puddle of mud. Good news is I am acknowledging 

that puddle and now I am able to actively work towards a viable solution. I need to recommit to my yoga practice. I need to dig deeper and figure out how to find my way back to the heart of the Yogi in Me. 
 
Thank you for reading and Namaste.

I Just Called To Say I Miss You. Love, Yoga Mat

“Ooooooohhhh, I miss yoga!” Those were the glorious words I heard come from my eldest daughter during Supta Baddha Konasana (reclining bound angle pose) of our Yoga With Adriene – Morning Yoga Sequence. It’s been less than 2 weeks since we have done yoga together as a family and she has missed it! Those words she spoke made my heart sing. 

We have been running our rear-ends off between family visits, birthday parties, and vacations. It is officially summer-time! So when is there time for our yoga practice? Eh, it’s an off and on relationship right now. I have noticed, though, on days that we don’t do yoga we really do miss it. You see we have heard our mats for they call to us. A soft, loving voice calling out to our very souls. 

The first week of June was our family vacation to the beautiful Osage Beach at the Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri. The featured photo below is of the lake from our balcony. 

We did morning yoga on Monday before we left for our trip. We already knew from our 8 hour Nebraska trip that hours of just sitting, cramped in our Taurus would be too much for us. It proved to be beneficial and later that day our bodies were thankful.

We had packed our yoga clothes but there was no room to pack our mats. We figured we could just do yoga without the mat. I mean, I know we don’t NEED the mats to do yoga. But, but, but… how do we do yoga without our mats? The physical act of rolling out our mats has proven to be of far more significance than I had realized.  

So, we did “roll out our mats” on Wednesday night about an hour after dinner; or rather, we moved the kitchen table and chairs and made do with the beige carpet tickling our feet. It was an interesting experience given that it was a little more difficult to hold Adho Mukha Svanasana (downward-facing dog) with our feet slipping on the soft carpet. However, sliding our feet to transition from one pose to the next was easier because of the lack of stickiness. Of course doing yoga felt great but the act of making a little time for yoga made us feel good about ourselves, as well. 

We shopped, we ate, we went to the movie theater to see the new X-Men movie in 3D, and we ate. We went on an underground adventure through Jacob’s Cave, we ate, we took the kiddos to the arcade, we ate, we went swimming a lot, and did I mention how much we ate??? Mornings were a mixture of relaxing on the balcony with a delicious cup of coffee and rushing to get ready for the day. Our evenings were spent relaxing; reminiscing on the balcony or playing cards at the kitchen table. Sadly, there really wasn’t much time at all for our beloved yoga practice. 

By Friday morning I was craving the love of my mat again. So with the gentle drizzle of the Missouri morning rain as my background music, I laid out a beach towel next to the coffee table and did the best I could with the space I was allowed. It felt A-Ma-Zing!!! 

That was a week ago. Just a week? Really? Gosh… it really does seem like forever ago. Doesn’t help that this whole last week has been a pretty rough one. Today’s yoga was precisely what the doctor ordered. And while a mat is far from being an absolute necessity for a successful and deeply fulfilling yoga practice… I love my mat and I love that my soft, reversible, purple yoga mat shows me such love and support in return.